1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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