don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got inside last night via doggy door
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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