belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
