Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
