if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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