I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
