if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
