are you still at the devil's house?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize