Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
