Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is it because I queefed?
no you cant smoke seaweed
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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