its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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