Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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