I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
