OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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