He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
