If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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