How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
