so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
