Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
