I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
