You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
