some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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