i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
