why didn't you poke me back
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
