I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
