Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
