explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
