her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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