I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
