Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
