Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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