Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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