in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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