Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
