I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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