Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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