Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
