we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
