My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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