She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
