Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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