so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Enjoy the penises
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
