the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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