id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
