I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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