I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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