just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize