Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
