Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
