Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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