Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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