Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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