and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
