Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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