sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
