i would punch a child for taco bell
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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