Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
